She is always with you

She said, “Lynn, when I pass away, are you going to be okay? Your brother and father are already gone, and I am worried that you will feel alone.”

I replied, “Mom, I will be fine. Please don’t worry. You know how tough and stubborn I am!”

She snickered, but I quickly changed the subject. I didn’t want to talk about her death, and I didn’t want to share my true feelings.

I just used my humor to mask what was really on my mind.

Many people fear losing their mothers because it feels like losing the anchor in their lives.

My mother was like a steady rock—stable, talented, and wise—always the same. I’ve never met anyone like her. She never yelled, swore, belittled others, or passed judgment. I realized at a young age that I wasn’t like her; I yelled, cursed, got angry, and often judged quickly.

Did I have the perfect mother? Almost. However, if she had any problems, she kept them hidden deep inside her heart. I didn’t like that because I felt she sometimes needed to share her feelings, express her frustrations, and even let out a curse word or two. She probably thought I did enough of that for both of us.

Mother passed away in June 2010, and to this day, I feel a sense of loss and loneliness without her. I have learned to live without her, but I still miss my rock, my Scrabble partner, and her wise counsel. Moms leave a lasting impact; they are always missed.

When I hear from readers about their experiences with loss, many refer to their mothers and how challenging life is without them. Even the biggest football players seek their mother’s approval from the stands, while others point a finger to Heaven. A minister cries when he speaks of the mother he lost several years ago. My friend constantly wishes her mom could see who she married and meet the children she bore after her mother’s untimely death.

None of us is prepared to lose Mom.

But let me tell you, they are still with us in some way.  I swear, Mom sends me messages from Heaven. I often dream that she is beside me, trying to convey something important.  I see her words when I write and hear her voice when I play golf. “Just try to hit it straight, miss the sand, and you will improve!” It is no surprise, since Mom loved both the game and my letters.

Perhaps God, in His infinite wisdom, knows how to send messages so that Mothers don’t leave; they remain with us.  I certainly hope so, because I still plan to tell my children what I think! My silence sure would not last long.

When my son was a young teenager, he announced, “When I am grown, I want to get a motorcycle.”

I calmly replied, “No, you cannot have one.”

“But Mom, what if I get one when I am older? “

“No, you cannot have one.”

“But Mom, what if you are not around anymore?”

“No, it still won’t work…. I’ll haunt you. “

To this day, my 50-year-old boy has never had a motorcycle.

Moms save kids’ lives, nurture children’s hearts, and love like no other.

A friend of mine brought her 93-year-old mother to an event where I was also a guest. I totally envied her and wrapped my arms around her lovely mom. Her mother was a bright light in the day, beautiful, and incredibly sharp. I miss her.

The other day, while shopping, I noticed a tall woman with dark hair laughing with her adult daughter. It reminded me of the days when my mom and I shared similar moments.  I miss her.

Last Sunday at church, the minister’s wife sat beside her daughter, who had recently given birth. My mom was always by my side during the births of my children. I miss her.

I truly believe that one day I will see Mom again. We will laugh, share stories, and hopefully, maybe even play Scrabble in Heaven. I will be back home in Mom’s arms, and the feeling of loneliness will be gone forever.

Until then, I’ve come to understand that Mothers don’t go far. They just change where we find them.