Fight or flight

There is a state of mind every person on this earth can relate to in which we are not our best, and it’s usually better to take a break from whatever we’re doing. The most common name for this state is “fight or flight,” because it describes how stress hormones key up our bodies to either stand and fight or run away. This is a gift that helps keep us alive when we run into a bear in the woods or when the house is on fire, but our brains can react this way even when our lives aren’t in danger.

Most of the time when we feel pushed to fight or flee, it’s not a state of mind that keeps us alive so much as one that keeps us from living. 

Maybe this looks like our kids panicking because they think they’re going to get in trouble. Maybe we see it when addicts lie and use instead of telling the truth and facing whatever they are afraid of. Maybe we see it when family members say hurtful things to each other that they don’t really mean, or when someone breaks up with a person they are dating instead of working through an issue. School teachers and parents will tell you that when a child is in fight-or-flight mode, they literally can’t learn anything until they calm down, and they can’t see clearly until they feel safe and respected. 

I don’t think that stops being true for any of us when we grow up, and I don’t think it stops being true when we go to church, either.

In God’s eyes, we’re worth dying for, and living for, and fighting for, and God will never run away.

The message a lot of us got from church growing up was a fear of God’s judgment, God’s rejection, or God’s wrath, and it’s a message that continues to put good people in fight or flight, no matter how grown up we are. 

What’s ironic about preaching this message is that it literally makes it impossible for us to learn anything new in those moments.

I’ve never seen judging someone help them change their behavior. More often, judgment keeps us trapped in the patterns we’re trying to break, afraid to ask for help and feeling alone. It can convince us we have to spend our lives pretending to be who we think others want us to be.

In my own wrestling with this fight-or-flight feeling, one of the most helpful things I can remember is that God is a coach and a teammate before God is a judge. To say God is our beginning and our end and to leave it at that misses the middle ground in which we all live. It leaves out the message of hope: God works with us, believes in us, teaches us, and celebrates with us as we learn and grow.

In God’s eyes, we’re worth dying for, and living for, and fighting for, and God will never run away.

If we come to God as a coach and teammate instead of a judge, we can stop pretending, or fighting, or running away, and start practicing instead.

Practice isn’t about “should,” nor is it about being responsible. It’s about working together, with God’s help, to get better at something new while taking care that no one gets injured before the big game. It’s about building the confidence we need to trust ourselves and training our muscles with memory so we will know what to do when there’s no time to think. It’s about becoming resilient in the situations we’re most likely to face so they don’t put us into fight-or-flight mode and keep us from living in God’s image in the moments that matter most. 

The life of faith is not about the judgment and fear that make it impossible to learn or grow; it’s about the grace that gives us room to get it right, and God’s willingness to help us along the way. 

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Rev. John Harrison is the pastor of Nacoochee Presbyterian Church in Sautee Nacoochee, located at 260 GA-Hwy 255 North. Visit them online at NacoocheePresbyterian.org.